dad recently passed away on 2nd day of CNY, may he rest in peace.. i know he's in a better place
Yet after everything that happened i still wanna enjoy myself, i do try to enjoy myself..
was looking forward to a night out with friends, but bcz of some stupid tradition that says you cant go to someone's house after a recent death in the family.. ISNT IT FUCKING STUPID?
seriously, such a sad time full of grief dont u think people just wanna enjoy themselves to make themselves feel better?? That fucking rule just pisses me off bcz i know how it feels.. just fucking pissed

Just to make things even better, tak boleh pergi gf punya rumah... Kimak betul
seriously, just wanna breakdown.. and she cant come my hse either.. I cant feel any more terrible..
and baru gaduh with her, seriously.. Then she um song here n there, good job on comforting me babe..
Unhappy moment, unhappy days, unhappy relationship just to make things worse..

Angry, lonely, sad
friends who dont reply, a gf who cant understand my feelings..
i do have friends who care.. but to those that just... Gahh~ how do i say it.. i just cant see them caring at all
Truth is, i feel very very lonely always.. I dunno if sometimes ppl really see me, im invisible all the time?
i've felt tis way for many years... I dunno how long more i can take being invisble..

Lucky i got my mum and sis, i need take care of them..
but its hard to take care of someone when your feeling like shit.. i cant be strong for them if im...
What did i do??? to deserve this..

there havent been many feedback as i hoped, more on facebook inbox than here but as long there are some
but i decided to go along with my plan to VLOG..
it might take some time to prepare, 1st i need a good webcam to record
thats all, but since CNY is approaching it might take alot more time than i thought
but anyway, i have alot of ideas to make vlogging fun..

If u guys have any idea of what i should do while recording just let me know alrite?
it could be anything from games or questions or reviews on certain things..
I'll try to keep it as entertaining as possible, thats my most important goal i think.. i wouldnt want it to be boring so i'll try to keep it fresh
So yeah, any ideas pops up or any fun ideas for me to do just let me know..
i;ll try to make it happen if its possible..

hey guys and girls, how's it going?
i know i havent been blogging awhile, if u do follow and read wad i post u shud know that i feel very lazy to type stuff out recently..
BUUUTTTT, i had an idea of what other things i can do.. VLOG..

you heard of vlog before? no?? shit...
Blog= writing
Vlog= Recording yourself and saying stuff out rather than typing it..

Bcz if u know me very well, u should know that i dun really chat much or type much stuff out.
If u see me in real life i talk better, i can talk non stop SOMETIMES..
so i feel i can connect better if i vlog with u guys..
and i already have a few things and ideas what to record in mind and i think it'll be fun
ya it'll be really cool..
SO, i need all your feedback to let me know if i should do it, because im saving money for the good quality webcam to record, i alrdy have a headphone and mic..

so yeah, let me know if i should do it
the chatbox is on your RIGHT for now, so leave me any comments there and give me feedback alright?
notice the "for now" bcz my gf loves changing my blogskins sometimes so it'll be somewhere if u cant find it..
so yeah, remember leave some comments at the chatbox bcz i could use your help thanks.. <3 p="">
if u have any other ideas, u can facebook me or whatsapp me or wtv if u feel its important
i will check back regularly and give a reply if i can.. thanks

now i know, how it feels like to lost a family member.. or the feeling when your gonna lose one..
my dad is getting so much weaker everyday, everyday the results are getting worse and worse..
i keep crying and crying at night so that i can sleep better...
he doesnt deserve to be like this, but why cancer must attack him?!?!?!
til im typing this, i keep crying.. Dad, why?! I cant help losing you..
i dont need your financial support, i need a father!! and we never had much of a father son relationship, and now im saddened we didnt have that..
why....... why i need to lose my dad.... my world suddenly destroyed... no one understands how i feel..

omg tis new year countdown sucked..

went to py hse, once reach there SOMEONE alrdy staring at the damn tv watching some hong kong drama

and everyone wasnt in the mood for a new year eve, thats wad im seeing/feeling. 

& u knw how much i hate drama in the 1st place.. Eng, Hong kong, korean drama, just any drama i hate it

bcz i dun understand why ppl get so hooked into it & i just find it a mood killer alot of times

SO there we were sitting down n staring into oblivion suddenly the sound of fireworks start going off..

ran to the top floor to see the view of fireworks and basically we didnt even countdown, sucked,, didnt hve tat new year feel.. 

The party finally started when we played the drinking game.

I wouldnt go into detail.. but the time is 7am+ now and i have the feeling of vomit and fucking headache rite now while everyone is sleeping, i cant.. there lies Sam, Brian n Adrian snoring their way into heaven or somewhere far away.. 

I really wished somehow I could end new year in a better way. 

Last night i argued with my gf, and then news of my dad's stage 4 cancer has just put me down so much tat i really hope i can end 2012 in a nicer way.\

Here i am sitting on the cold air cond room hearing the snores of 3 pigs while cant stop thinking whether my beloved feels ok & my dad's condition...

i hope i didnt hurt her too much, i knw im a horrible bf.. i knw i hurt her so much. IM SO DAMN SORRY IM SORRY annie,, 

Other ppl might not know it but she always truly care n love me, everytime she will comfort me n love me n so much more.. I never knw some1 can love me so much, bcz im such an idiot but she still can love me..

She loves me so much, but i keep on hurt her. I dunno wads wrong with me! I hurt the person who i love, wads wrong with me?????!!!!!!

Is it my dad's news that he has 2 more months to live that makes my feelings all fucked up? 

Annie, u know i never wanna hurt you. I love u so much.

but im sorry, i dunno wads with me recently... Please forgive me.
I hope 2013 we can start anew. I want our relationship to improve. I want my girl.
And to any of my friends whom i've hurt or offend in the pass year pls forgive me as well, AND if im still offending u and hurting you (so called friends & ppl dun perasaan btw if ur reading tis bcz tis might not be you) ok where was i? Oh right, if im still hurting you or offending u til tis day its bcz i hate you and i dont care but to my other friends you know i love u guys too rite. Your like another family to me & thats how much u guys mean to me, and im sorry if i never mentioned this often but im not the type of guy to be sweet face to face.. usually face to face im a very big idiot who like to make stupid jokes.. I get KINDA uncomfortable being too sweet sometimes but i really mean it, you guys r like another family to me and i love you guys for it and i hope you guys know that. My life is now im a very complicated position now and you guys are the best part of it =) 

I hope to be better this year.